You'll never know.

Dear Raymond.
I went to Melaka for most of the sole purpose to get my closure.
The closure to the fact that you are forever gone.
I never got the chance to say goodbye properly.
In fact, I never even got the chance to say goodbye at all.
I never cherished the last time you were around.
And I HATE myself for it.
You were the only cousin I was close to.
The only one I could talk to about anything.
You were always there to send those encouraging messages.
And those little gifts you never fail to give.
And you were getting married!
I was so ecstatic!

It eats me to my core, that you are gone..
That it was all so sudden..
Just out of normalcy, one plain phone call.

"Raymond is gone"

I'm not a person to express my feelings easily..
But tears roll down my face as I type this.
I just don't understand.
Why this has to happen.
And why to you.

The fact of the matter is, I will never know why.
I will never ever now.
They say God's plan is never ours.
And yes, I still just can't grasp that logic.
I just can't.

CNY pretty much went by in a blur.
I couldn't get closure.
Amusingly, your grave on earth isn't ready yet couz!
They are still choosing a memory verse for your tombstone.
And so I couldn't visit.

And so yes, I will only get closure when I see your final resting place.

I'm happy that you are in a better place.
But, HAHA, I am still human, and I am of course sad that I can only see you again there.
My heart will not find peace until I see your grave.
It's the least I can do.

Till we meet again my beloved cousin.

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